I took precautions, I swear. In fact, it was the first thing I did when I went outside. I sprayed myself with some (apparently) shitty sunscreen and rubbed it all over my extremities. I covered my arms, my legs, my neck, my forehead, and even the tops of my ears. Then I walked from the sea-side condo my in-laws rent to downtown Venice, Florida. It took about 20 minutes to walk from A to B, and when I got there, it wasn’t even noon. Nevertheless, I got sunburn on my arms, legs, and neck. It wasn’t a big deal, or so I thought. Every summer, I manage to get a sunburn, and then my skin tans and I stop thinking about it because I no longer get burned. This time, something else happened. When I went outside the next day – the wife and I went kayaking on a river shockingly devoid of water -- I got even more sunburned even though I applied more sunscreen. I figured my skin would calm down as the day turned to evening and the sun was no longer so intense. Instead, the red, irritated areas on my arms, legs, and neck took on the appearance of a rash and I began to feel itchy all over. It was so uncomfortable, I wanted to tear my skin off.
Puzzled as to what the fuck might be happening to me, I went online and began hunting for information with search terms like “sun rash” and “itchy sunburn.” That’s when I learned there is something called a “sun allergy.” I thought only vampires and those bitten by them had problems being out in the sun, but it turns out us mortals may have to stay indoors during daylight hours too.
The Mayo Clinic explains it this way.
Sun allergy is a broad term. It describes several conditions that cause an itchy rash to form on the skin after being in sunlight or other sources of ultraviolet (UV) radiation. Polymorphous light eruption is the most common form of sun allergy.
Some people have a hereditary type of sun allergy. Others develop symptoms only when triggered by another factor — such as taking medication or touching certain plants. Other types of sun-related reactions occur for reasons that are unclear.
Mild sun allergy may clear up without treatment. Severe rashes may be treated with steroid creams or pills.
In case you’re wondering, the phrase polymorphous light eruption means a rash on the skin (or mucous membrane) caused by light (probably intense) that appears in various forms or styles. (Yes, I looked that up, and yes, Polymorphous Light Eruption is the name of my new metal band.) This was good information and it helped ease my mind. Yet, I couldn’t help but wonder why this was happening. I’m regularly out in the sun and I’ve been to Florida many times. Why had I developed a sun allergy now?
I never really found out for sure, but I’m guessing my coming down with the rash had something to do with another phrase in the Mayo Clinic’s information: “touching certain plants.” See, while we were kayaking on the river short on water, I came in contact with a wide variety of plants I was surely allergic to, for previous medical tests have proven that I am allergic to just about everything that exists, including dust, dogs, cats, mold, plants (including weeds and grasses), horses, dragons, mermaids, and assorted snuffleupaghi. Alas, if I was this allergic to food, I’d be a much thinner man.
Interestingly, this whole ordeal into the world of light-induced rashes prompted me to look up the etymology of the word allergy. (I didn’t have to look up the meaning due to my extensive familiarity with the concept.) As it so happens, the three books I consulted were the Chamber’s Dictionary of Etymology, Origins: A Short Etymological Dictionary of Modern English, and The Oxford Dictionary of Word Histories (ODWH). All three agreed that this 20th century medical term pertains to the notion of there being something “alien” present in the concept and that this otherness harkens back to it’s older German cousin allergie, which is rooted in the Greek work allos, meaning “other.” But that’s only half the story. According to the ODWH, our modern allergy is also said to be “patterned” on the German word for energy, energie, which suggests that this mysterious other has an energy all its own or is acting in some way. The Chamber’s etymological dictionary says something similar, but it traces this element of energy or action back to the Greek word eregon, meaning “action.”
Live and learn. Or in my case, exist and itch.
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